The Zombie Apocalypse

And Property Coverage:

As is well known, Zombies are particularly single minded in the ravenous desire to eat healthy humans, particularly brain tissue.  In pursuit of that activity they congregate in large groups and forcefully attack fences, doors, objects or property in the way of their nefarious feeding.  That is the classic definition of Riot or Civil commotion.

Unfortunately, for a Riot to exist, it is required for the civilian authorities to actually read the “Riot Act”.   While the reading of the Riot Act has normally been directed at living humans, we note that there are no provisions limiting the act to living humans.  We can reasonably conclude therefore that there is no basis for the exclusion of the reanimated dead.   This would likely extend to the special category often referred to as “rage zombies”.  They are not technically dead, or “zombified”, but do carry the virulent contagion Zombie Bacillus Virus and are medically best described as similar to Vampires with Bacillus Vampiris.

Notwithstanding the above, the probability of our politicians staying in place and battling the Zombies would, however, be statistically almost zero.  This is true particularly in California where the Democrats would likely champion Zombie rights as the next logical step in expanding sexual preference to include Necrophiliac Cannibalism.  Therefore we conclude that damage resulting from Zombie riot would be impossible to claim and no coverage would be found in this section of the policy.

Are we out of coverage?  No, we are not.  The Vandalism and Malicious Mischief section of coverage does also directly address this apocalyptic exposure.  Vandalism is any action involving deliberate destruction of or damage to public or private property and there are no condition precedents.  The Zombie population has exhibited consistent contempt for the rule of law and voraciously destroys any property between themselves and living persons.  We therefore conclude that we do indeed have full coverage in place for a Zombie Apocalypse.   The only caveat is that the damage cannot be done by an insured, so if a family member were to become a Zombie and attack the family residence that could result in loss of coverage from that moment on.  So, keep your family close, and if we survive this together we will get this claim paid.

The last thing that we need to watch out for is a declaration of war.  Under that circumstance, the State or Federal government declaring war on the Zombies, the War exclusion might govern and in that case we would find ourselves again without coverage.

So, barring California legislation and a declaration of war, coverage for your property will indeed be covered by the Insurance Services Office policy forms.  This is of course subject to your deductibles and family members remaining alive; and a functioning society remaining at the end of the contagion.  Good luck!

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